


Hiraeth

by vivisuu



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Barista Tachibana Makoto, F/M, Reader-Insert, Student Tachibana Makoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4985620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivisuu/pseuds/vivisuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coffee brought you together, but what breaks you apart?<br/><br/>college coffeeshop AU, feat. student!barista!makoto x reader<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ice Water

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Makoto (sadly), nor do I own Free! Iwatobi Swim Club, Sousuke, or any of the characters from said franchise. I only own this plot and my writing~  
>   
> enjoy! hit me up w a review if you liked this part~ add this to your faves too, for notifications whenever i update~~

            “One hazelnut iced coffee, hold the cream. One medium passionfruit tea with five pumps of classic. One mocha frappuccino, and go easy on the ice.”  
            The brunet inhales, then exhales. Wispy white tendrils of smoke curl in the still air, dispelled only by his breath. He leans against the cold alley wall, the rough bricks scratching at his black barista uniform.  
            “(Name).” The word escapes his lips like the smoke from his cigarette, breathy and airy and just a little bit needy. His voice is pained as he stares out over the sea of pedestrians, seeing but not registering any faces.  
            Makoto’s eyes lock in on a silhouette of a person across the street. The figure’s gait is like yours, curvature of their body like yours, hair color like yours, hunched over form like yours. _Is it you? It is you._ He resists the urge to race across the street, not caring about the cars passing by, and take you by the hand and never let go. He resists the urge to take you into his arms and whisper sweet nothings to you in your ear. He resists the urge to stare at you until you turn back to glance at him, hitting him lightly on the shoulder as a smile dances on your lips. He resists these urges because he can’t do any of that anymore and instead he rips his eyes away from your retreating form.  
            He misses your fleeting gaze as you glance back at the café he works at.  
            “Makoto! Your break’s over!”  
            The brunet takes a long drag from his cigarette and casts his eyes down at the ground, blowing out small rings of smoke.  
            “Makoto, you hear me?”  
            “Yeah.”  
            “Get back inside, then. People are waiting.”  
            He stands up straight and takes one last glance down the street at his college campus. Pushing his glasses up his nose, he throws the cancer stick at the ground and steps on it, crushing it with the heel of his shoe. “Coming.” He pushes open the side door to the café and steps inside, pulling on a bright face for the customers. “Hi! What can I get for you today?”  
 

「♥」

  
            “Hey, how come I never see (Name) stop by here anymore?”  
            Makoto turns to look at his coworker, staring at the male. “What?”  
            Sousuke stretches slightly and regards him with a level gaze. “You heard me. (Name) doesn’t come by all that much nowadays. Why?”  
            Makoto shifts his gaze from his face to the lockers before continuing to untie the straps of his barista apron. “We had some… disagreements.”  
            “And?”  
            “We broke up.” Your ex-boyfriend’s voice is low, cutting through the quiet that blankets the small café after hours.  
            “I’m sorry.” Sousuke glances at Makoto’s side profile, then down at the ground as he continues, “What happened?”  
            “Long story.”  
            “I have time.”  
            The brunet doesn’t reply.  
            Sousuke stares at Makoto, serious teal eyes boring into guarded green ones. The silence is heavy, thick enough to be cut with a knife, and the room seems to have dropped several degrees in temperature.  “…alright. When you want to, then, tell me.”  
            “If I want to,” the brunet corrects, shaking his head. He takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers one to Sousuke, who refuses the proffered item.  
            “When’d you start smoking?”  
            “Recently,” Makoto replies, leaning against the brick wall and taking a long drag from the cancer stick. “Just recently.”  
            “Yeah? Why?”  
            “You’re full of questions today, Sousuke.”  
            “I have a healthy curiosity,” he sniffs, eyeing his friend. “You’re sure you don’t want to talk about it?”  
            The former backstroker exhales a small puff of smoke. “If you’re willing to listen.”  
            “We have time. Like I said, the café’s closed.”  
            “I know.” Makoto cracks a smile at the chocolate-haired male besides him, his emerald eyes crinkling at the edges. “I work here too. I know the hours.”  
            Sousuke sits down on a wooden bench, resting his chin on his hand. “Oh, really? I wouldn’t have known, since you take so many breaks.” He grins at the brunet, but his face suddenly sobers. “When’d it start?”  
            “I met her… I don’t know, I think a year and a half ago.”  



	2. Hazelnut Iced Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i own nothing but this (cliche?) plot and my own writing. enjoy!

            Your eyes scan the menu hanging above the countertop, your head spinning from the huge variety of choices and the strange coffee lingo. “Hi! Um, can I have one… uh…” You squint at the item list, and resign yourself to a familiar favorite. “Can I get a hazelnut iced coffee, please?”

            He beams at you. “What size?”

            “Medium,” you stutter, glancing up at his face then staring down at the marble counter. You blink several times and bite down on your lip before staring up at him. Your eyes trail down to the nametag on his chest – it says _Makoto T_ – before you snap your gaze upwards again at his response. “Sorry, what’d you say?”  

            “330 yen, please.”

            “Oh.” You fish around in your wallet for a bit before coming up with the correct coinage. “Here!”

            “What’s your name?”

            “(Name),” you say, flushing at the sudden question. “Why?”

            He waves the coffee cup at you, your name in slanting handwriting written in black Sharpie. “It’ll be done soon. How much cream and sugar?”

            “Two packets, please. Hold the cream.” Nodding hesitantly at him, you make a beeline for the wall next to the serving area and wait for your coffee. As you watch other people get their drinks, you notice that their names are all on their cups too. “Oh. So it’s a thing to have them write your name on the cup?” You muse to yourself.

            “(Name), with one hazelnut iced coffee.”

            You step up to the counter, a straw clenched tightly in your hand. “That’s me.”

            The brunet smiles softly at you, eyes twinkling as he hands you the drink. “Here you go, (Name)~ Careful, it’s cold.”

            “Thank you,” you murmur, taking the plastic cup from him. Your fingers brush his and you shudder at the contact, feeling an electric shock travel from your digits to your spine. You stare down at the cup for a second, stab the straw into it, and take a sip; you glance back up at him. “Makoto, is it?”

            He nods. “Yeah?”

            “It’s… really good.”

            “That’s good!” He practically beams at you again and you can feel yourself becoming a bit flustered.

            “S-See you, then,” you barely manage to force out before turning tail and almost sprinting out of the café.

 

「♥」

            You shuffle your feet in front of the small coffee shop, deciding whether or not to go in. The glass door opens and Makoto comes outside, carrying a small chalkboard sign with some words written on it in his typical slanting handwriting.

            “(Name)?”

            His voice snaps you out of your internal debate. “Makoto?”

            “What are you doing here?”

            “Oh, um, just looking at the trees,” you chuckle, gesturing at the magnolia tree laden with green leaves standing outside of the café. “They’re really nice! The college campus is pretty awesome.”

            “Want to come in for some coffee?” His eyes crinkle at the ends as he smiles at you, holding the glass doors of the shop open.

            “Sure,” you murmur, practically floating into the store. Looking around, the place is barren save for a student here or there on their computers, surfing the internet with a cup of coffee near them. “Not much business today, huh?”

            “It’s not rush hour, so it’s not bad! I mean, it’s only 10am,” he laughs. “You go to college here?”

            “Yeah,” you say, looking back up at the menu. “How’d you know?”

            “You look like a college student. What’d you like?”

            “One medium hazelnut iced coffee,” you murmur. “Are you a student, too?”

            “Yup! I’m majoring in literature. You like… three sugar packets, hold the cream?”

            “Two packets,” you smile. “And really? That’s pretty sweet. No pun intended.” You hand over 330 yen to pay for your coffee. “I’m majoring in (college major).”

            “The coffee’s on me today.” He gives you back the money before scrawling your name on the plastic cup.

            “You remembered my name?”

            Makoto gives a chuckle and rolls up his sleeves. “Of course!” He turns around and grinds the beans, making the coffee and adding ice to the drink before pumping some hazelnut flavor into the coffee. “Here you go. One medium hazelnut iced coffee, made especially for (Name)!”

            “Thanks,” you say, this time prepared with straw and a napkin for the cold cup.

            “What year are you?”

            “Second,” you murmur, sliding into a chair near the cash register; your eyes are fixed on the lid of your drink before you raise them to look at the barista.

            Makoto’s hair is combed back and his sleeves rolled up; his eyes reflect the soft glare of the lights hanging overhead in the chic café. “Same.”

            “You have glasses? You didn’t wear them before.”

            “I lost one of my contacts,” he sighs, grabbing a glass of water and walking over to sit across the table from you. He pulls out a chair and plops in it, smiling gently at you as he pushes his glasses up his nose. 

            “That sucks.”

            “Yeah. But these glasses aren’t so bad,” he shrugs. “I mean, I need to update my prescription, but it’s not that bad, honestly.”

            “I feel you. But they get so annoying when I drink hot stuff! They always fog up, so that’s why I get cold drinks. And in the rain, it’s just a pain to wipe them clean if I don’t have an umbrella with me. I mean, if it starts raining, I have to pull up my hood and go full Harry Potter dementor mode on campus, or else I’ll have to clean them again.”

            He laughs, the melodic sound floating through the air to reach your ears across the table from you. “Really, Harry Potter dementor mode?”

            “Yeah,” you murmur, rubbing the back of your head sheepishly. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I’ll shut up now.” Taking the straw, you sip your iced coffee, staring at the plastic lid. You swirl the ice inside with your straw, listening to the pleasant clink of ice cubes inside the cup.

            “You don’t take cream with your coffee. Why?”

            “No. It’s not that I don’t like the cream, I just think it tastes better with only sugar. Cream is fine too, but if I had my way, I’d take my coffee black with sugar only.”

            He laughs and drinks some water from his glass. “Cool. How much sugar?”

            “I’m not sure… I just kind of add sugar until it tastes about right. Maybe 2-3 packets, 4 if I’m in a bad mood?”

            “You add more sugar when you’re in a bad mood?” Makoto pushes his glasses up his nose and sets his glass down, tilting his head as he smiles at you.

            “When I’m in a bad mood, I think I’m pretty bitter then,” you say, resting your cheek on the palm of your hand. “So I add more sugar to balance out my internal bitterness. It’s like my way of saying life is sweet and that I should enjoy it, ya know?”

「♥」

            The magnolia trees outside the chic coffee shop are barren, their branches covered with clean, heavy snow instead of light, effervescent leaves. You pull your jacket closer to your torso and wrap your (favorite color) woolen scarf tighter around your neck as you watch your breath come out in small white puffs. Rubbing your hands together quickly, you curse yourself under your breath for forgetting to bring gloves with you.

            You make a beeline for the small café, pushing open the glass doors with pale, trembling fingers. There’s a line of about five or six people in front of you, and you stand behind the last person to wait to order your coffee.

            Having visited the shop several times a week for the past few months, your wallet is significantly lighter than when you first started your second year of college, but your heart is significantly happier whenever you talk with that cute barista, Makoto. You shake your head quickly, slapping your face and getting rid of the frigid pallor that had graced the apples of your cheeks only moments before, when you stood outside the business. Glancing down at your wallet, you poke through the small bag, carefully choosing the exact change for 330 yen and clenching the coins tightly in your hand.

Feeling starts to return to your digits as you tug at the scarf wrapped around your neck, loosening it and giving yourself room to breathe. You can feel warmth entering your bones again and chasing out the cold that had settled in.

            You step up to the counter and glance up at the barista. “Sousuke? Is Makoto on his break?”

            “Yup,” comes the male’s response. His teal eyes scan you over a bit before he turns his head and calls, “Makoto, your girlfriend’s here.”

            _Girlfriend._

The brunet comes running out of the back room and comes to a halt next to his friend. You look up at him to meet the smiling green eyes that greet you every time you stepped into the café. It’s not like you came to the shop just to see him, right? Right? That’d be totally ridiculous. “Hi, Makoto,” you murmur, your lips barely able to form the words.

            “I’ll take her order, Sousuke,” he says, gesturing you over to the closed register. “One medium hazelnut iced coffee, (Name)?” His eyes crinkle as his lips stretch into a warm smile.

            “Yup. Thanks,” you murmur, handing over the 330 yen and watching as he cashes the coins into the machine. “Are you on a break?”

            “Actually, my shift is over,” he laughs.

            “Sorry about that, then, for making you take my order…”

            Makoto glances over at Sousuke, who’s talking cheerfully with the customer who was behind you. “You didn’t make me, (Name). Don’t worry about it! Sousuke can’t possibly make your order correctly, anyways,” he says, making sure that his colleague heard the last part clearly.

            “Of course I can! You butted in and took over, you slacker,” his friend retorts as he scrawls a name on a plastic cup and sends a customer over to wait by the other counter.

            “He doesn’t know how much sugar to add. How’s your day been, (Name)?” Makoto writes your name on the clear plastic cup, this time in a thick red sharpie instead of the regular black one.

            “Fine. Just kind of cold,” you mutter, tugging at your winter jacket sleeve to illustrate your point. He looks up at you, watches your quick motion, and chuckles.

            “So three and a half packets of sugar, then?” The brunet turns to scoop ice and grind coffee beans, adding some pumps of hazelnut syrup and the correct number of sugar packs to your drink.

            “You know me well.”

            He walks around the countertop and hands your coffee to you, motioning for you to join him at a booth in the back of the shop. You oblige and follow the brunet over, sitting across the table from him.

            “Kind of cold for iced coffee today, huh?”

            You laugh. “Yeah, but hot coffee doesn’t taste right and besides, it fogs up my glasses. I wouldn’t be able to see anything like that. You got new contacts, right?”

            Lo and behold, the barista sitting in front of you grins as he blinks a few times. “Yup. The prescription is right this time, so no more glasses for me… for now, at least.”

            “Ah, it’s so cold outside… I should’ve brought gloves with me.” Standing up, you smile at the male as you continue. “I have to go to class now, but I’ll see you later?”

            Makoto stands up as well. “Let me grab my jacket, then. I’ll walk you to class.”

            “You don’t have to—! No, don’t go out of your way, please…”

            “It’s fine. I have class anyways, so I might as well,” he says as he walks off towards the locker room to grab his jacket. He waves a hand over his shoulder at you as you stand next to the booth, both hands gripping your iced coffee tightly.

            The brunet comes back quickly, a black down jacket hugging his torso. He calls goodbye to Sousuke and offers you his hand, which you take, feeling quite grateful for the warmth.

            The two of you exit the store and walk down the street, avoiding the patches of clean white snow and stepping only on the wet pavement. Trees line the avenue and bend over, their branches carrying frozen crystals shining brightly in the sunlight; the sky is blue overhead and a chilling wind bites through your jacket.

            “Cold?”

            His voice snaps you out of your reverie. “No,” you say, recovering quickly and shaking your head as your fingers wrap around your cold drink. “You?”

            He takes your hand and puts it into his pocket, smiling gently at you after he does so. “Not anymore.”

            You’ve never wished for a scarf so much as you have in that moment to hide your rapidly flushing cheeks.

Makoto’s fingers wrap around yours in his pocket. “When’s your class end?”

            “Um, half past noon, I think,” you murmur, avoiding the brunet’s gaze as your body slowly begins to drift away from his.

            “Wait for me by the fountain on center campus.” He tugs your hand and the rest of your body follows, making you walk closer to him.

            You glance up at the male, then look back down at the ground as you nod quickly. Sipping your iced coffee, you quickly finish it and end up making a loud sound with your straw as you try to get every last drop of coffee possible. Keeping your eyes downcast, you drop the plastic cup into a recycling can and watch your breath come out in wispy white puffs.

            Soon enough, the two of you come upon the college campus entrance. Students mull about in the snow, some having snowball fights and others making snow angels as they procrastinate to the very last minute.

            “Oh, my class is here,” you mutter as you point at a gothic stone building on the left side of the road.

            “I’ll see you, then.” Makoto smiles at you and lets go of your hand slowly, waving at you as he watches you walk inside.

            “See you,” comes your soft reply. You turn to glance back at the barista and wave before running into the building.

「♥」

            “Makoto? Done walking her to class?”

            “Yeah,” the brunet replies, waving a hand in Sousuke’s general direction.

            “You owe me.” He throws a towel at Makoto, scowling at the brunet. “Your break is over, but your shift isn’t over yet. Why’d you tell her you had off?”

            “Because,” he murmurs, taking the towel off of his face and throwing it back at his colleague. “Just because.”

            “Did it go well?” Sousuke catches the towel as he leans on the countertop, staring at his friend before glancing around the café to make sure that there’re no customers waiting to be served.

            “(Name) gets out at 12:30,” comes the casual reply. “We’re meeting by the fountain.” A smile makes his way across his face, gracing his lips and stretching them widely. His eyes sparkle faintly, his cheeks flushed – although whether the color is from the cold or from you, it’s hard to say.

            “Is that a date?”

            “Maybe~”

「♥」

            “Makoto!”

            “(Name)?”

            You practically run up to the brunet, grinning widely at him. “Yo! What’d you want to meet for?”

            “I was wondering, um, if you’d… if you’d like to, um…”

            “If I’d like to what?”

            He shuffles his feet as he rubs the back of his head, his mouth open a bit in a wan smile. “Would you like to…” he glances down at the ground, then back up at you. “Go out to lunch with me?” His voice trails off as he returns his gaze to the pavement, refusing to meet your eyes. A light pink dusts the tips of his ears and you hide your wide smile behind your hand.

            “Sure, if it’s not any trouble…” comes your hesitant reply. You loop your arm in with his and keep your eyes glued to the ground again, staring at your shoes and at the crisp white snow. “Where to?”

            Makoto peeks down at you, suddenly confronted with the crown of your head; your (hair color) hair shines brightly in the sunshine, a perfect contrast to the clear sky behind you. He studies how your hair falls into your eyes, creating a thin fringe for you to look through and to cast your eyes up at him. The arcing slope of your nose leads his eyes to the subtle curves of your cheeks, a rosy pink from the cold nipping at your exposed skin. A canine bits down on your lip, gnawing on the soft flesh – his only indicator that you too are nervous about this adventure.

            “Makoto? Earth to Makoto,” you say, waving a hand in front of him as you stop in your tracks. “You alright there?”

            He looks at you. Your (eye color) pupils dilate a bit in the harsh light but continue to stare up at him, your incessant lip-biting slowing down before coming to a stop. “Makoto?”

            “Yeah,” he breathes out, shaking his head a bit. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

            “What do you want to eat?”

            “Anything. You choose,” he smiles.

            “How about… here?” You point at a small café, similar to the one he works at, but specializing in sandwiches and pastries. “It looks cute!”

「♥」

            “That was nice,” you murmur as you stare out at the sea of people flooding the streets. The café fairy lights twinkle overhead as a certain brunet barista sits next to you, gazing at the same flow of pedestrians outside the small store. “Really nice.”

            “Want to do it again sometime, then?”

            You turn to look at him and cock your head before a small smile tugs at your lips. He wears a similar expression, the ends of his eyes crinkling and his green orbs reflecting the dim bokeh lights of the café. “Yeah.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Yeah, I’d like that.” Stretching your arms above your head, you arch your back and give a contented mew like a cat. “When?”

            “Next week, same time?” He studies your face in mock scrutiny.

            “Sure. Can I have some cake?” You point at the chocolate delicacy on his plate with your fork, eyeing the pastry.

            “No. Chocolate’s my fave.”

            “But I ran out of (favorite cake flavor)!”

            “No,” comes his soft answer.  

            You poke his arm with your fork. “Please?”

            His eyes waver in the light but he stays true to his word. “No,” he says again, this time his response seeming a little weaker.

            “C’mon, pretty please?”

            Makoto stares at the cake before looking back at you. He bites his lip, then sighs, closing his eyes and pushing the ceramic plate towards you. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be harsh with me! I'd love to hear/know your reactions to this piece c: Leave me a kudos or a bookmark on this tale if you liked it~
> 
> Hit me up with a comment to let me know your thoughts! i love talking to my readers, so lemme know what you think!


	3. Passionfruit Iced Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter reupload because i added a scenario to this!! please do read this again~ 
> 
> i don't own anything from free! -- i only own my writing / this (cliche??) plot. enjoy!

            Your breath hitches in your throat as you press yourself against the wall, wrapping your blanket around your shoulders and tugging at its edges. You can feel your eyes burning as you rub at them, trying but failing to stop the flow of tears falling from them. “Get it together, (Name) – you’re strong, aren’t you?” A fresh batch of salty water falls from your eyes as your voice trembles and softens to a hoarse whisper.

            A shiver runs down your spine and you can feel trembling in your ribcage area as you take in one shaky breath after the other. Your knuckles turn an off-white color as you tighten your grip around your blanket, the plush lining soft against your skin. The moon shines weakly through the window, a broken shard of light streaming down into your otherwise dark room. Clouds pass, their lackluster coils dimming the moonbeams and making them shimmer as they go by.

            Your phone beeps quietly, lighting up briefly; you grasp at the object, clutching it to your chest before glancing down at its illuminated screen.

            _You have one new message from: Makoto!_

_Message Subject:_ [no subject]

_Message Body:_ ‘Yo, (Name)! Are you doing anything this Saturday? Wanna hang out?’

            You stare at the text, the brightness of the device lighting up the darkness of your apartment. Biting your lip, a tear falls onto the screen; wiping away the salty liquid quickly, you type out a quick response, pressing backspace but accidentally hitting ‘send.’

            _Message Subject:_ [no subject]

            _Message Body:_ ‘i need you please come over’

            _Message sent!_

“Makoto…” His name escapes your lips, light and airy and fleeting. “Oh, why did I do that?!” You hurriedly type out another text.

            _Message Subject:_ [no subject]

_Message Body:_  ‘actually, never mind im fine so dont come over dont worry about me’

            Your finger hovers over the accursed send button and you press it, immediately turning off your phone and flinging it across the room. It comes to lay under the window, clattering against the wood floor and coming to a stop against the wall. The room is quiet again.

「♥」

            _You have one new message from: (Name)!_

Makoto’s face lights up at the quick response, but a shadow falls across it as his eyes take in your text.

            “Hey, can you close up shop alone?” Your boyfriend is already taking off his apron and shrugging into his jacket, changing shoes as he glances over at his coworker.

            “What for? The store’s already closed – can’t you stay and help?” Sousuke scowls at the brunet, whose serious emerald eyes narrow and flicker under the dim café lights.

            “It has to do with (Name). I’m sorry, Sousuke, but just this once, okay?”

            The butterflyer scrutinizes Makoto’s face, studying the haggard lines scratched into the brunet’s skin, the latter’s eyebrows furrowed in concern about you. “Fine, but you owe me for this, okay?”

            “Thanks! You’re the best!” Makoto practically darts out the side door, leaving his colleague with nothing more than a wave and the echo of his voice resonating in the store.

            “That damn bastard,” Sousuke mutters as he goes about cleaning up the store and mopping down the countertops. “He’d better appreciate this.”

「♥」

            Your boyfriend stands outside your apartment door, raising a hand to knock on the wooden entranceway. The night is quiet and crickets chirp, the sole sound in the otherwise still neighborhood. “(Name)?” Your name comes out in a whisper, but there’s no response. He tries the handle, which turns – surprisingly – and the door opens, revealing a completely dark apartment.

            “(Name), I’m coming in,” he calls out, stepping in and closing the door behind him. He takes off his shoes and walks down the hall slowly, hearing the wood paneling creak under his footsteps.

            A sniffle comes from the room to his right, and he pushes open that door slowly. There, sitting on the floor against the wall, back to him, is you. You’re wrapped in a blanket, shoulders trembling as your raised arms try to rub your eyes and stop the tears flowing down.

            “(Name)!”

            “M-Makoto?” Your voice comes out in a croak, a hoarse little thing that practically begs for understanding. “Makoto, I…” You’re interrupted by a fresh onslaught of tears, and you wipe your eyes with your forearms as you continue through the waterworks, “I, I told you not to come!”

            He runs towards you and crouches down, hugging you tightly to his chest as he replies, “How could I not, after that text?”

            You latch onto his shirt and start bawling into his shoulder, your sobbing dampening and wetting the soft fabric of the flannel. The material is soft in your tight grip as your chest clenches and knots itself, tremors rushing down the inside of your ribcage and back up to your head. His arms are warm around you, solid and soothing as they hug you close. His hands are large, rubbing your back as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear, his desperate attempt to comfort you. The moon outside shines brightly into the room, unobstructed by the clouds overhead.

            It takes a while before you manage to form coherent phrases, before you can tear yourself away from his shirt and wipe your eyes without bursting into fresh tears.

            “(Name), what’s wrong?”

            You rub your eyes, rimmed red and puffy from crying. “I’m just… oh, I don’t know, Makoto, I don’t know.” Your voice cracks a bit at the end, the mere thought of the cause threatening to launch you into another show of waterworks.

            “It’s alright if you don’t know,” he murmurs, pressing your face into his shoulder and kissing the crown of your head. “It’s alright if you don’t know.”

            You stay like that for a while until your hoarse voice breaks the still silence. “I don’t know about my future, Makoto.”

            He grips you by the shoulders as he looks down into your face. Your nose is red and your eyes are in a similar state. “What do you mean?”

            “Do you know what you want to be when you grow up, Makoto?” You stare into his eyes, his face illuminated by the moon shining in through the window as you study his side profile. Gently sloping nose, sharp pointed nose, artfully crafted lips, a kind countenance…

            “I don’t know what I want to do,” you murmur, withdrawing from his touch and hugging your knees to your chest as you stare down at your feet in the dark. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life in the future, with my career, with my (college major) degree… how am I supposed to know?” You turn pleading eyes to your boyfriend as you whisper, “I don’t even know what I want for lunch tomorrow, much less what I want to do with my life.”

            “It’s alright if you don’t,” he replies, laying a hand on your hair and letting it rest there. “Everything will work out in the end.”

            “What if it doesn’t?”

            “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, okay? I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

            “And if you’re not?”

            “Don’t say that,” he murmurs, eyes wavering in the dim moonbeams slicing through the still air. “We’ll still be. And if we’re not, you know, together anymore, well, that’s alright. Because you’re (Name), and you’re strong, right? You’ll be able to do it.”

            “I’m not strong if I can’t keep myself from crying,” you sniff, rubbing your eyes on your shirt sleeve.

            “Maybe you caved under the pressure because you just took in too much and were just too strong for too long. Even the strongest rocks crack eventually, (Name), or they get worn down from uncontrollable circumstances.” He pulls you into a hug again, and you clutch at his flannel shirt with desperate fingers. “Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you took too much for too long without ever telling others – you were too strong for too long. And you cracked. But that’s okay.”

            Makoto pauses as he listens to your shaky breaths, feels your trembling fingers as he wraps his digits around yours, takes in the (favorite shampoo scent) lingering on your hair. “(Name), that’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t know about the future, and it’s okay to cry.” His voice washes over you in calm waves, lulling you into a less despondent state. “I’m here for you, okay?”

            Your response is so soft that he has to strain to hear it, but strain he does and he manages to make out your reply, a simple “Okay” forced out and already dissipating from the stiff breath of the exhale. The brunet hugs you tighter and rocks back and forth.     

「♥」

            “I can’t believe it’s our one year anniversary coming up…”

            “One year?”

            “You forgot already, Makoto?” You hide a laugh behind your hand, shifting your position on his couch so that you’re a bit more comfortable now, lying on your boyfriend’s lap as he plays with your hair. “It’s the one year anniversary of when I first walked into that café you work in. Did you really forget?”

            “I wasn’t sure how you measured one year,” he laughs, the mellifluous sound music to your ears as his fingers intertwine themselves into your lustrous (hair color) locks. “I didn’t know if you meant a year since you walked in, or since we started going out.”

            “True,” you muse, placing a pensive finger upon your lips as you stare up at his face from below. “What should we do?”

            “To celebrate, you mean?”

            “Yeah. What do most couples do?” You gnaw on your lip, furrowing your eyebrows as you mull the question over. “It’s wintertime, yeah?”

            “We could go to the Tokyo Tower. I think it’s supposed to snow later this week.” He glances down at you, releasing your tresses from his long digits and grasping one of your hands instead.

            “That would be beautiful, yeah, to see a snowy white tower and city.”

            “Then… I’ll see you this Saturday?”

            “It’s supposed to snow on Saturday? Sure, why not,” you smile, sitting up a bit and pecking your boyfriend on the cheek. “I’ll meet you there around…”

            “Seven. Seven PM. You and me, a dinner date under the Tokyo Tower.”

            “What a romantic you are, Makoto~”

            He blushes a bit, rubbing the back of his head as he sputters and is at a loss for words.

「♥」

            You stand under the Tokyo Tower, in a pedestrian walkway filled with elegant wooden benches and lined with softly shimmering streetlights and snow-laden trees. The snow is crisp underfoot as you pace back and forth, wrapping a (favorite color) scarf tighter around your face and pulling your jacket closer to your body.

            “(Name)!”

            A voice makes you turn smartly, and you see that it’s your boyfriend running towards you. “Makoto!”

            “(Name), sorry I made you wait! C’mon, let’s go! I made reservations~” He slows down and comes to a stop, one arm behind his back and another extended out to you. You take his hand and walk down the sidewalk, leaning against his broad shoulder as he leads you to a nearby sushi restaurant.

            Inside the restaurant, the two of you are promptly seated.

            “Makoto, this is so nice! The view is great, too~”

            “Yeah, it is,” he murmurs, staring directly at you.

            “I meant the view over that way,” you flush, pointing out the window at the neighboring Tokyo Tower.

            “I know what you meant,” he grins. “Speaking of a beautiful view, your face will just light up with this. Here.” He hands you a small gift, painstakingly wrapped with a (favorite color) bow on top of the box.

            “I knew I was forgetting something!” You scowl at yourself, slapping your cheek in agony. _Damn it! I forgot to get him a present!_ “I’m so sorry, Makoto… I forgot to get you something! I was so caught up in the excitement that I—”

            “Don’t worry about it,” his gentle voice soothes. You can’t bring yourself to look at his face as he continues, “Just open it!”

            Your trembling fingers tug at the silk bow and pull the lid off the package. Inside is a necklace with a coffee mug charm on it, the sterling silver shining and shimmering as it reflects the candle sitting on the table. A gasp escapes you as your breath hitches in your throat. “Makoto… you shouldn’t have…”

            “Turn the charm over.”

            Following his words, you glance at the back of the silver mug – your initials and his are intertwined, engraved in the back of the metal to form the shape of a heart.

            “What do you think?” He puts an arm around you as he pulls you close, his eyes gleaming as a gentle smile graces his lips.

            “You’re so… you’re so kind, Makoto, to think of this. You’re such a good person… I just can’t, honestly. Thank you so much. I love it!” You turn watery eyes to look up at him, your hands shaking as you clutch the necklace tightly. “Can you help me put it on?”

            He obliges and drapes it around your neck, securing the clasp in one swift movement. “It looks great. It does, (Name), it does.”

            You glance down and touch a hand to the necklace, your voice shaking as you reply, “Thank you.”

            The two of you continue with the meal, ordering the sushi and dishes and eating them in a timely fashion. The minutes tick by until your phone goes off, prompting a red-cheeked you to check it and apologize to your boyfriend.

            “Sorry, Makoto. Let me check this.”

            He nods, continuing to eat sushi as he watches you.

            “Oh, did you know? According to this…”

            He tunes out your words and nods, happy to just listen to your voice and watch your side profile as you stare down at your phone. Picking up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks, he looks at it and has an idea.

            The brunet holds out the sashimi between the two pieces of wood for you, and you open your mouth for it. He withdraws his hand slowly, pulling you closer to him as you follow the sushi, your gaze still fixated on your phone until his lips meet your forehead and his chopsticks pop the fish into your mouth.

            “Makoto?” You chew the food and look up at him.

            He smiles in return. “That was cute, (Name).”

「♥」

            “Look at all this snow!” You delight in the falling crystals, twirling around in a circle with your arms spread out wide. “Look, it’s so crisp and clean and white! I love it!”

            “Yeah, it’s pretty,” comes his murmured reply. “But you’re prettier.”

            “What was that?”

            “Nothing, (Name). C’mon, let’s look at the Tower,” he grins, tugging at your arm and pointing up at the 333-meter-tall fixture.

            The Old Tokyo Tower, banded red and white and radiating a roseate pink, casts a warm aura around the square; the falling puffs of snow stand out in stark contrast to the light emanating from the Eiffel-Tower-esque tower. They create a delightful bokeh effect as the steel structure in front of the two of you rests upon a carpet of white, freshly fallen and crisp and cold to the touch.

            Makoto hugs you to his chest as he rests his chin on your head, the two of you gazing up at the Tokyo Tower.

            His voice breaks the silence, all sound muted by the snow. “Want to go up?”

            You turn to grin widely at your boyfriend. “Yeah!”

「♥」

            Your phone rings quietly, interrupting your thoughts; you slam your pen down on the table and grit your teeth, glaring at the offending object with an expression able of making even the devil cower in fear. A low hiss erupts from between your lips as you pick the device up gingerly. “Hello…?”

            “(Name)? It’s Makoto!”

            Rubbing your temples with trembling fingers, you heave a sigh. “Hi, Makoto. What’s up?”

            “Are you alright?” His concerned tone makes you envision his droopy emerald eyes framed with his olive-brown eyebrows, furrowed in worry and wrinkled slightly at the edges. You can just imagine his lips, slightly parted as his eyes waver slightly, blinking just a bit.

            It takes a moment before you can return his question with a proper response. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m just… just really caught up with studying for tests right now. You know, before summer vacation.”

            You can hear the crestfallen tone in his voice as he replies, “Oh, yeah. Tests, okay. I understand.” His mellow timbre perks up a bit as he continues, “Well, good luck, (Name) – I’m sure you’ll ace them! I’m cheering for you, so work hard!”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, but… it’s hard.” You give a small, sheepish laugh. “What about your exams?”

            “I’ll be fine with them. Do you need anything that I can get you from the café, (Name)? Maybe a (favorite cake flavor) petit four, or a coffee or something like that? Where are you?”

            “I’m in my apartment now, but I don’t need anything. Thanks, though, Makoto. It’s really sweet of you. I’ll call you later,” you sigh, pressing the end call button before placing the phone face-down on the wooden desk and picking up your pen again to resume studying.

「♥」

            A knock comes at the window of your flat, and you whirl around in your spinny chair to throw a death glare at the person who dares disturb your precious study time. Standing and stalking over to pull the blinds up, you’re greeted with a wonderfully sunny disposition and an unwavering, blinding smile: a certain favorite brunet of yours waves at you and points with a finger over in the direction of the lounge. You sigh, nod, and draw the blinds again before slipping out of your room and making your way to the front door.

            “A delivery for (First Name/Last Name), here~” You can hear his cheery voice as he walks through the door, bearing a small plastic cup filled with a deep pomegranate color in his hands.

            “Makoto, what are you doing here? Were you working?”

            “No, I’m not,” he laughs, smiling at you as he presses the drink into your hands. “It’s a new drink we’re trying out, Passionfruit Iced Tea. I added five pumps of the classic iced tea in because by itself, the passionfruit flavor _is_ a bit sweet – even for you, I’d say.” His eyes wrinkle at the edges as he winks at you, a quirky grin tugging at his lips.

            You wrap your fingers around the icy liquid, sweat beading up on the plastic exterior of the cup. Taking a sip from the overly long straw, you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head, looking up at your boyfriend. “It’s actually really good. Thanks.”

            “It’s a refresher, so I thought it’d be refreshing for you, especially on this hot summer’s day.” He ruffles your hair, leaving his hand on your head for his fingers to intertwine with your (hair color) tresses.

            A shiver runs down your spine at the way the iced drink feels against your heated fingers, red and overworked from gripping your pen too hard while studying just moments before. “You’re too good for me,” you murmur, eyes downcast at the navy blue carpeting the two of you stand on in the lounge. “Really, too sweet. Are you sure you’re not working?”

            He nods as he pats your head, his cool fingers a welcome relief from the heat of the day that plagues your room.

            “So did you go all the way to the café and back here to give me this?” You narrow your eyes at him, cocking your head as you sip more of the cerise-colored tea. “You shouldn’t go out of your way to do such things, Makoto – you’re busy enough as it is.”

            “But you sounded really stressed, so I thought a refresher would, you know, refresh you!” He pouts, rubbing the back of his head as he laughs sheepishly under your critical gaze.

            A light sigh escapes your lips as you close your eyes. “Thanks for the thought, Makoto.”

            “Did it?”

            “Did it what?” You open your eyes to gaze at him, looking up at his face through your lashes.

            “Refresh you. Did it?”

            “Oh. Yeah. It did. Thanks.” Smiling at him, you pull him into a quick hug; his large frame is hard to wrap your arms around, but you manage to do it. “You smell nice. Like coffee and cake,” you remark offhandedly, feeling his heart beat against your chest as you bury your face into his chest.

            “Oh? I just came from the café, maybe that’s why…”

            You withdraw from the hug, staring at him with an accusing look on your face. “I thought you said you weren’t working!”

            He waves his hands in front of his face quickly, a blush dusting his rounded features as he quickly denies it. “Nonono, I wasn’t, I swear!”

            “Why don’t I call Sousuke and ask him? He’ll give me a straight answer, right?” you muse, pulling out your phone from your pocket.

            “He’s working – you shouldn’t disturb him.”

            “And you know this, how?” You stare up at the flustered barista.

            “I, uh, saw him there! When I stopped by to get this for you!”

            “Uh huh, and Donald Trump would make a wonderful president. Nice try there, Makoto. But thank you for this,” you murmur, gesturing at the half-empty drink in your hand. “It’s really good, and I love it.”

            A big smile stretches across his face. “I thought you might. Was it sweet enough?”

            You nod quickly, focusing your attention on the drink and sipping some more of the amaranth liquid.

            “That’s good,” he muses, ruffling your hair once more before turning on his heel and heading out the door. “Good luck with your studying!” he calls over his shoulder.

            “Thanks,” you reply, raising a weak hand in response before making a fast break for your room again.

            Once safely inside, you close the door and slump into your hair, resting your head in your palms and your elbows on your knees. “He’s really too sweet, to do this for me.”

            You set the still-sweating drink down on the table and pick up a pen. “Back to studying again…”

「♥」

            “How’d exams go? It’s a bit late to ask that, but, you know…”

            His voice makes you whirl around, clutching your hands to your chest as your eyes dart around before settling on him. “Oh! Makoto! You gave me a heart attack.”

            “Sorry,” he chuckles. “How’d they go?”

            “Not that badly, actually – they turned out pretty well. You?”

            “Same,” he replies, cocking his head at your expression of glee. “You okay there?”

            “Yeah, just really happy that exams are over.”

            You collapse onto a bench on the sidewalk, relaxing your body as you spread out over the wooden chair. Leaning back with your head practically flopping over the back of the seat, you stare up at the quickly darkening sky. Light swatches of lavender and periwinkle dab the sky, brightened up by the saffron and coral swabs and similarly colored cloudy wisps floating about. The wide expanse of heaven above begins to obscure, turning into indigo gradients on a darkening midnight blue with tinges of merlot purple. Stars begin to poke their heads out, tiny twinkling lights in a sea of galactic inkiness illuminating the sky and the earth below it.

            “Hey, (Name). Come with me for a sec.”  

            You look up at your boyfriend, his hand outstretched to you as he gazes down at you with a smile dancing on his lips. “What for?”

            “Trust me.” He pulls you up and helps you right yourself before dragging you off, away from the university and from the café.

「♥」

            He leads you to a small overhang on a hill, surrounded by the dark night above, the soft grass below, and the haunting trees around you. The sky is tinted a deep purple, faint dabs of lavender and pastel blue clinging to the final vestiges of light. A small expanse of black dotted with flickering stars is visible through a gap in the cloud covering; the moon hangs precariously in the sky, a pale circle casting an off-white light on its surrounding area.

            “What is this place?” You whisper, eyes darting around nervously.

            “A lookout of mine. A favorite, really. Do you like it?”

            “It’s beautiful! Makoto, you can see the whole town from here! Look, the university’s right there, and so’s your café!” Turning to him, you practically jump the male, so enthusiastically do you hug the brunet. “It’s gorgeous. I love it.”

            “I thought you might. You were a bit stressed before exams, right? I thought we could watch the cityscape and stargaze a bit together, you know?” He wraps an arm around you, pressing you against his side as you feel his warmth radiating off of him in gentle waves. You rest your head on his shoulder and he, his head on yours.

            “Did you know, (Name), that you can see Altair and Vega from here?”

            “Altair and Vega? The two stars, you mean?”

            “Yeah, Altair the cowherd and Vega the weaver girl. Do you know the legend?” He watches your face, which contorts into an expression of confusion, and the barista continues. “It’s told that Vega was a daughter of the Goddess of Heaven, and she left Heaven one day in search of some fun. She fell for Altair and married him; they had two children. When Vega’s mother found out, her mom was really angry and forced her to return to Heaven. Altair was in despair, but was told by his ox that if he killed the ox and wore its hide, he would be able to fly up to Heaven to see his wife. The Goddess of Heaven found out about this and was again royally pissed, so she used her hairpin and scratched a huge river in the sky to separate Altair and Vega.”

            “What happened to them?” Your eyes are wide with wonder and curiosity as you lean against your boyfriend, tearing your gaze away from his face to steal a glance at the vast sky above you.

            “It’s said that once a year, the magpies take pity on the two lovers and fly to Heaven to form a bridge for them to meet again. You know when that day is, (Name)?” He smiles down at you and you snuggle into his side and shake your head, the chill night hair fleeting against his warmth. “That day is today, the seventh night of the seventh month.”

            “So… July 7th is when Altair and Vega can meet again?”

            He nods, patting your head softly as he points up at the sky at two distant, but brightly shining, stars. “Those two are Altair and Vega, and that bridge in between them is the ‘magpie bridge’ in the story.”

            “It’s beautiful, you know,” you murmur, turning your gaze to look up at the wide expanse of black, dotted by white twinkles and wispy clouds.

            “Yeah, it is,” Makoto replies.

            You glance at your boyfriend. “The sky’s beautiful, I mean. Why are you staring at me?”

            “Because you are, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be harsh with me! I'd love to hear/know your reactions to this piece c: Leave me a kudos or a bookmark on this tale if you liked it~
> 
> Hit me up with a comment to let me know if you're excited for the next part -- if I know people like this story, that motivates me to update even faster!


	4. Mocha Frappuccino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double upload for you guys as a present for this holiday season~ hope you like it!
> 
> i don't own anything but my writing and this plot! enjoy!

            Exams before winter vacation are just around the corner and your fourth year in university has started off wonderfully. You still stop by the café where Makoto works once in a while, but your time is consumed by studying in anticipation for the all-important tests at the end of the calendar year.

            You close a book and heave a sigh, the heavy atmosphere of the library weighing heavily on your shoulders. A shadow falls over the cover of the closed book and you glance up at the offender that’s blocking your light source. “Makoto?”

            “How’s studying going?” He places an iced coffee drink next to you, smiling as he does so. “It’s a new drink combo – a Mocha Frappuccino. I thought you’d like it.”

            “You’re too kind,” you murmur as you finger the silver coffee charm around your neck and take a sip of the caffeinated drink. “It’s pretty good, actually! Thank you.”

            “Iced coffee is good for this weather, isn’t it? It’s so hot outside,” he sighs, fanning himself as he slouches a bit in his posture. “I have to get back to work now, but I hope you like it!” The brunet turns and waves a hand over his shoulder as he walks out of the library, heading back to his center of employment.

            “Did he come all the way here just to give me this?” You stare down at the brown liquid in your hand, the ice clinking against each other and the plastic in delicate sounds. “He’s… really too kind.” Your head falls against the desk, your hair splayed out across the desk as you heave a sigh again. “That’s the third time he’s done that.”

「♥」

             “Exams are finally over, hooray!” You glance down at your phone, which beeps anxiously at you, begging to be checked. “Oh, a new text from Makoto.”

 _Message Subject:_ ‘Exams’

            _Message Body:_ ‘They’re over for you, right? Same for me! Stop by the café and let’s celebrate!’

            A wan smile tugs at your lips as you type out a quick response with tense fingers while you bite your lip, gnawing on the soft flesh.

            _Message Subject: [blank]_

 _Message Body:_ ‘Actually, Makoto, can I talk to you? Alone?’

            Your finger hovers over the send button, and you close your eyes tightly before you press it. 

「♥」

            “(Name)?”

            “Makoto!” You rush over to the brunet, grabbing at his hand before lacing your fingers in with his. “Makoto, hi.”

            “Hey, what’s up? What’d you need to talk about?” His eyebrows are furrowed, his eyes wrinkled and creased at the edges as his concerned emerald irises bore into your flighty, fickle (eye color) ones. He grips your hand tightly, digits intertwined with yours.

            “You’re not working, right?” You look him up and down and, not seeing the telltale brown apron that he wears while at work, you tug at his hand. “Sousuke, I’m borrowing Makoto.”

            “Sure,” comes the calm answer from behind the counter. “Just bring him back in one piece.”

            “Got it!” Waving a hand in the darker-haired male’s direction, you drag your boyfriend out of his café and onto a bench in the nearby park.

            The branches of trees are laden with crisp white snow, the same which crunches underfoot as people pass by. Sunlight glances off of the reflective crystals, blinding those unfortunate enough to look it in the eye; a chill is in the air, nipping at the exposed noses and ears of those in the park.

            “Makoto, I…”

            “(Name), aren’t you cold?” His voice interrupts yours, cutting you off as his green eyes flit from emotion to emotion, from curiosity to concern.

            “No. Um, Makoto, what I want to talk to you about is, well…”

            “Do you want coffee or something? You’re not wearing gloves.” He covers your hands with his own, letting his skin be exposed to the frigid air as he shields yours from it.

            “Neither are you. Oh, that’s the thing! That’s exactly the thing! That’s why I want to break up!”

            “What?”

            “You! You’re just so, I don’t know, considerate! You’re the perfect boyfriend! Honestly, how do you even do it?!”

            The brunet is taken aback at your sudden outburst and stutters a bit as he replies, “I’m not sure entirely what you mean.”        

            “You think of me in everything you do, I swear to god you do! You’re the most perfect boyfriend ever and I feel… I don’t know how I feel around you.”

            “I hope you like me,” Makoto titters nervously as he watches your face with a concerned expression.

            “Oh, I do, but that’s the thing. You’re so damn sweet! I don’t even need sugar with my coffee now because you’re sweet enough. I don’t know how you manage to do it but you think of me every single day. You call me or text me before bed, wishing me a good night’s sleep; you make sure that I’m eating enough, that I’m sleeping enough, that I’ve done my work and that I’m not overstressing myself. You bring me coffee during exam week and refreshers during the summer, and you… you keep me warm in the winter time, too.” You stare down at your hands intertwined with his, and you dig your nails into your palm. “You showed me your favorite stargazing place, for god’s sake!”

            “What’s the issue here?” He cocks his head, choosing his words carefully lest they set you off.

            “You don’t get it?” Raising your gaze to rest on him, you let out a heavy sigh. “That’s exactly the thing. You do it all, and you do it all without thinking. You’re just so naturally kind, sweet, considerate, _perfect._ I feel guilty that I can’t keep up with you, you know. That I can’t return the favors. That I’m just not as… nice as you are. What did I do to deserve you? When in my past did I do enough good to be rewarded with you?”

            “But I don’t expect you to pay me back,” he interjects softly. “I do it because I love you.”  

            “I _know._ And that’s the thing – that’s the thing that really gets me! You do it without thinking, and you don’t expect anything in return. But sometimes, I want to pay you back. I want to say, ‘thanks for being such a wonderful boyfriend!’ but whenever I try to do something, you always do something else that makes me feel, oh, I don’t know, _incompetent_ as a lover. Like I don’t deserve you.”

            “And you want to break up over this.” His grip on your hands tighten, to the point where his knuckles turn a white color similar to that of the surrounding snow.

            You sigh. “Yes and no. Yes, because I feel like I can’t keep up with your goodness. I can’t repay you back, and I know you said that I don’t have to, but I _want_ to. I just can’t keep up with you. No, because I still love you, Makoto. But I’m not sure anymore.”

            “Not sure about what?” His gaze is fixed on your intertwined digits as he begins to knead the back of your hand with his fingers, tracing slow but loving patterns across your chilled skin. His breath comes out in small puffs and his lashes have icy crystals on them. You study the curvature of his cheek, the gentle sloping of his nose to his soft lips that you love so much. Olive-brown bangs falls in his face, spots of white snow decorating and framing his hair.

            Your breath hitches in your throat as it begins to settle in your mind what you’re about to say. “You. I love you, but I don’t know if I can live with this constant feeling of incompetency.” You pull your hands from his grasp and shove them deep into your coat pocket. “Of inferiority. Of inadequacy.”

            He looks at you.

            “Makoto, I want to break up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know the drill. comment, leave kudos, bookmark, etc~ :) happy holidays, guys!


	5. Hiraeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double upload for you guys~ wrapping up this fic for good! ~ happy holidays, guys -- stay safe, eat lots of good food, keep warm, and make sure to binge-watch your fave shows ;D (but stay healthy too, ok?) 
> 
> i don't own anything but my writing and this cliche plot.

            “So what happened?” Sousuke’s voice breaks through the silence blanketing the small café.

            “That’s about it.” Makoto inhales and exhales, removing the cigarette from between his lips to puff out small rings of smoke.

            “Are you sad?”

            Your ex levels a steady gaze at the darker-haired male. “Do you think I am?”

            His colleague sighs, resting his head in his hands as he replies, “Of course I do. Why else would you start smoking again, Makoto? You’re even wearing your glasses. What happened to your contacts?”

            “My contact prescription wasn’t strong enough.”

            “You’ve become more closed off than before after she left you,” Sousuke muses. “You started smoking, wearing glasses again, being colder to people… it’s different.”

            The backstroker takes a drag from his cancer stick. “I know.”

            “You’re not as nice now as you were before, you know.”

            “Since when was I nice to you?”

            The barista wags a finger in Makoto’s general direction. “Case in point right there. Previous Makoto wouldn’t have thought of such things, much less said them aloud. What about her do you miss?”

            The olive-haired brunet snuffs out his cigarette, getting up and throwing it in the trash. He stands in front of the bin with his back to Sousuke for a while before he responds, “Everything.”

            “Go on.”

            “She felt… like home. You know? Like a place I was truly comfortable with, like a place that I lived in for forever and that I knew every nook and cranny of. I knew how she worked, how she ticked, how she would react to everything – except for that final day. I didn’t see it coming.”

            “I don’t think anybody would have,” Sousuke murmurs.

            “It’s just… I miss her.” Makoto takes out another cigarette and lights it, returning to his seat across from the butterflyer as he exhales a puff of wispy smoke. “I want those days back.” He hunches over, elbows resting on his knees as he stares at the ground.

            “I want (Name) back,” he says. “I want to be home with her, you know, metaphorically. I could have her and only her in the world, and that would be enough for me. It would, I swear. I don’t know if I was the only one who felt that way, so maybe I’m yearning for a home that never was. But I know that it was a home that I can’t return to now. Home was with her, wherever she was. It still is.” A single tear rolls off his cheek.

            “I know I can’t, but _god_ do I want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this story draws to a close! did you guys like it? tell me in the comments!! please, let me know~ give me a kudos if you wanna tell me your current emotions but are feeling a bit shy at the moment! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't be harsh with me! I'd love to hear/know your reactions to this piece c: Leave me a kudos or a bookmark on this tale if you liked it~
> 
> Hit me up with a comment to let me know if you're excited for the next part -- if I know people like this story, that motivates me to update even faster!


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